“Oh, a pun. Your wordplay delights me! And to think I worried you had the mental capacity of a dollop of donkey’s APPLES.”

“Every self-respecting gardener likes donkey APPLES!”

“Even housewives run out to sweep up donkey APPLES!”

“They work wonders for the roses, you know, donkey APPLES!”

“You know what a donkey APPLE looks like?”

“Don’t you like donkey APPLES?”

explodingdickbits:

allsoundsasscreed:

My enemy is tenacious. When money failed them, they took to force. But I have slain Johnson and Pitcairn both, ending their plots. George Washington now rallies the colonists and their march towards freedom begins in earnest. Little wonder, then, that the Templars now want him dead. They seek to reshape this land into something cold and ordered. Something soulless. And he is an obstacle. I must save him, that his cause can flourish and my people remain safe. 

But the more I prod, the greater the chance I am discovered. The Templars believe their men lost to the revolution. In their eyes, the Assassins are gone and scattered – no longer a threat. But I fear they will soon discover the truth and me along with it. 

I must tread carefully…

Dude’s second language is better than my first language.

This has nothing to do with your comment, but it looks like even Captain Jack Sparrow is eyeing your Tumblr name with concern…

“Your employer’s promises are nothing but hot air. And his operations are about to turn… PEAR-shaped!”

“When a hot air balloons fails, it turns PEAR-shaped.”

“When the hot air cools, the balloon takes the shape of a PEAR.”

“Before a balloon crashes, it resembles a PEAR.”

“I only said a PEAR!”

“Do you not know what a PEAR looks like?!”

allsoundsasscreed:

Yusuf: Hoshgeldin kardeshim (Welcome, brother)! Unless the legend is a lie, you are the man I long to meet. Renowned Master and Mentor, Ezio Auditore de la la la!

image

Ezio: Prego (Excuse me)?

Yusuf: Forgive me. I have a hard time remembering that Italian gibberish.

Ezio: Da Firenze. The city where I was born.

Yusuf: Ah yes! So by your custom, I would be…Yusuf Tazim da Istanbul! I like that.

Ezio: Istanbul? Yet another name for this city?

Yusuf: Evet (Yes), it’s a local favorite. Come, Mentor da Firenze. I will show you around.

These are troubled times. The already uneasy alliance between the Crown and its subjects frays. And behind them both the Templars plot, pulling strings and moving pieces. 

History dictates they seek order through control. But how will they affect it here? Who supports them? And what conspiracies have they already spun? 

All these things I must determine, for only by knowing my enemy can I hope to stop them.

Winter approaches. The air is still and sharp with grim expectation. The others sense it too, and go about their work with uncommon urgency. I would like to help them, but more pressing matters now demand my attention. 

The Templars have targeted George Washington directly – and will not rest until he is dead. I had hoped to shield him from this knowledge, but Thomas Hickey ended any hope I had of staying silent. And so I have resolved to share everything I know – of the Templars and their plots – of who I really am. 

Achilles finds fault in this, and we argue every day. But there is simply too much now at stake to maintain restraint.

My enemy is tenacious. When money failed them, they took to force. But I have slain Johnson and Pitcairn both, ending their plots. George Washington now rallies the colonists and their march towards freedom begins in earnest. Little wonder, then, that the Templars now want him dead. They seek to reshape this land into something cold and ordered. Something soulless. And he is an obstacle. I must save him, that his cause can flourish and my people remain safe. 

But the more I prod, the greater the chance I am discovered. The Templars believe their men lost to the revolution. In their eyes, the Assassins are gone and scattered – no longer a threat. But I fear they will soon discover the truth and me along with it. 

I must tread carefully…