cluster puzzles – All Sounds of Assassin's Creed

Gary: Pull over here.

Woman: What’s going on, Gary?

Gary: I want to speak to you alone. You know that CIA stuff for my new book?

Woman: About the corporations?

Gary: It’s so much bigger than I thought. Bilderburg is just a red herring. I’m going to give you a name: Abstergo.

Woman: I have no idea what that is.

Gary: A shadow corporation. They aren’t listed anywhere. No stock options. Nothing above the boards. But their members have holdings in other companies. Coke, Kraft, the pharmaceutical industry, Detroit, Wall Street. Basically every company above a certain size has ties to Abstergo.

Woman: So?

Gary: They’re on the way to running the entire world. They have people in government too, for Christ’s sake. Listen, I needed to tell someone about this because I’ve been keeping all the research a secret and I can’t hold it in anymore.

Woman: What will you do now?

Gary: The book. It’s going to be about this. Trust me, once it’s on the shelves, everyone’s going to know.

VEHICLE MONITORING SYSTEM TERMINATED

Abstergo Agent: Hello D.? Tell headquarters I’m monitoring a situation. It’s nothing serious, but we’ll need someone to take care of a security risk. Perfect. Congratulations on that promotion. Keep up the good work.

Diane: Hello, Comstatic customer support, Diane speaking.

Mr. Jameson: I’m calling in reference to your HD Cable service. There seems to be some kind of picture between the channels.

Diane: Well, that’s funny. Are you sure it isn’t just one of those premium movie channels? I didn’t used to have a premium package at home either and sometimes little snippets of the channel would come through when my son Jimmy pressed the clicker too much.

Mr. Jameson: How old’s your Jimmy?

Diane: Ten and cute as a button, thanks for asking!

Mr. Jameson: My Paul’s twelve. But no, this isn’t a clicker problem. I go to change the channel from 172 to 173 and, instead, there’s this other channel in-between. I’m looking at it right now, it’s some kind of menu.

Diane: Sounds like our guide channel. Why, just the other day Jimmy—

Mr. Jameson: It’s not the Guide channel. It has my name on it, my son’s name and a list of things we like, my credit card purchases, loans, travel. And then, after that, there’s this gibberish about biometric patterns and optimal screen refresh frequencies. There’s some kind of heart monitor thing that says EEG wireless next to it and ARAS. I don’t know what the particulars of this are, but it looks like you cable is programmed to have some kind of effect on our bodies.

Diane: Well, Sir, I don’t even know how to respond to that. I—one, second, my supervisor has just come over. She says I should transfer your call. Have an ecstatic day with Comstatic!

[phone ringing]

Supervisor: Hello, I have been briefed on your problem. A technician is on his way.

Mr. Jameson: Thank you, but the more I think about this, the more I think something bad’s going on here.

Supervisor: Our technician should be there any minute, Mr. Jameson.

Mr. Jameson: Don’t bother I—

[pounding at the door]

Paul: Daddy there’s someone strange at the door. He’s hitting the door real hard.

Supervisor: Have a good day, Mr. Jameson.

Possibly the creepiest phone call of all.