Tag: Templar

Diane: Hello, Comstatic customer support, Diane speaking.

Mr. Jameson: I’m calling in reference to your HD Cable service. There seems to be some kind of picture between the channels.

Diane: Well, that’s funny. Are you sure it isn’t just one of those premium movie channels? I didn’t used to have a premium package at home either and sometimes little snippets of the channel would come through when my son Jimmy pressed the clicker too much.

Mr. Jameson: How old’s your Jimmy?

Diane: Ten and cute as a button, thanks for asking!

Mr. Jameson: My Paul’s twelve. But no, this isn’t a clicker problem. I go to change the channel from 172 to 173 and, instead, there’s this other channel in-between. I’m looking at it right now, it’s some kind of menu.

Diane: Sounds like our guide channel. Why, just the other day Jimmy—

Mr. Jameson: It’s not the Guide channel. It has my name on it, my son’s name and a list of things we like, my credit card purchases, loans, travel. And then, after that, there’s this gibberish about biometric patterns and optimal screen refresh frequencies. There’s some kind of heart monitor thing that says EEG wireless next to it and ARAS. I don’t know what the particulars of this are, but it looks like you cable is programmed to have some kind of effect on our bodies.

Diane: Well, Sir, I don’t even know how to respond to that. I—one, second, my supervisor has just come over. She says I should transfer your call. Have an ecstatic day with Comstatic!

[phone ringing]

Supervisor: Hello, I have been briefed on your problem. A technician is on his way.

Mr. Jameson: Thank you, but the more I think about this, the more I think something bad’s going on here.

Supervisor: Our technician should be there any minute, Mr. Jameson.

Mr. Jameson: Don’t bother I—

[pounding at the door]

Paul: Daddy there’s someone strange at the door. He’s hitting the door real hard.

Supervisor: Have a good day, Mr. Jameson.

Possibly the creepiest phone call of all.